I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
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