Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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