I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
