At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
