ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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