I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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