maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize