So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
