Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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