wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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