So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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