i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
