im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
