is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
