She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want to make out with him forever
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
