You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
