dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
