i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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