are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
