Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
