I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
