Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
