I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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