hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize