i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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