FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
