i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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