College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
