he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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