"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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