what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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