you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
