I think I won the penis lottery.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
