just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize