i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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