im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
