I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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