The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
