I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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