we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
