My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
