My boss' voice literally gives me gas
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
