operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
