we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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