Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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