Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
