you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
