So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
