if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
