You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
