I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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