i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize