I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
