dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
