I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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