i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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