Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
