So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
