and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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