I faked an abortion last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
