So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
