So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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