i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
