my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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