All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
