took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
