so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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