I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
