After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
