He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
