he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize