Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
