I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
