We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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