someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
