Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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