is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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