I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize