some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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