i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
