I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize