I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
