..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
