She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
