Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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