I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
