I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
