so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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