I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
