Yo dont text me then not text me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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