so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Girls should come with a carfax report
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
