oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize