can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she told me i tasted like america
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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