we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
