Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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