the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
