I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
