is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
