new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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