How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
NoShamevember. You game?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
