did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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