RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize