she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
