Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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