He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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