My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
