I faked an abortion last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
