she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
