So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
