I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
