...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
