i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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