Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
