I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
