his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
