Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
