You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
