when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize