I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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