i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
