Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm too high and old for this...
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