I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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