i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
