just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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