I wish I could teleport
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
