I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize