if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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